Bella Swan And The Huntsman | A Parody

I went and watched the midnight showing of Snow White and the Huntsman last night. Partly because I wanted to see how terribly KStew could mess up Show White, but mostly because I will watch anything with either of the Hemsworth brothers in it--especially Thor Chris. (And BOY does he deliver!)

The movie itself really wasn't that bad. KStew messed it up a lot, but the other characters carried more than their fair share of the movie, making it a bit redeemable in my eyes. But maybe it was the mood I was in when I watched it, or maybe it's the fact that KStew can only portray one character, and one character alone, but I saw a lot of similarities to Twilight in the movie. I couldn't help but laugh my head off about them...which probably caused the audience to wonder why I was laughing at the weirdest parts. Then again, the audience was laughing at some odd parts as well, and I even heard a few "like Twilight" whispers now and then, so maybe it's not just me.

The movie really isn't anything like Twilight--unless you're me, and you can read between the lines and jump to conclusions like the best of them. Here's what that got me:

*Thar be spoilers ahead, so read at yer own risk!*

In which Snow White becomes Bella Swan:

• Edward Creepy brother watches Bella Snow White while she sleeps.
• Bella Snow White goes cliff diving! No Edward ghosts here.
• Bella Snow White gets lost and falls asleep on the forest floor midst leaves, bracken, mud, bugs, and spiders.
• Bella Snow White confronts a werewolf troll, and becomes Bella Snow White the werewolf monster whisperer.
• Bella Snow White gets bitten by a vampire bites an apple, and practically has sezures, a la ballet studio scene. Seriously--this one was right out of the Twilight movie.
• Bella Snow White goes to sleep all peaceful-like (after just having had seizures, of course), when inwardly she is transforming into a vampire! (Okay, that one's a lie, but I totally pictured it in my head).

In which other movies are drawn into it all:

• Aslan (our favorite, and most elusive, Chronicles of Narnia lion) appears and leads Lucy Pevensie Snow White to him in  a trance-like state. She finds him in all his dream-like, morning sunlit, glory, taking the form of a lion buck.
• The Fellowship even makes an appearance, so keep an eye out for the scene where the camera pans over the majestic mountains as the group hikes along the cliffs, tailed by Gimli and the other six dwarfs, all on their journey to help Frodo Snow White.
• Don't forget Legolas! He's dyed his hair black, but his pretty face and skill with a bow cannot be hidden from a fan like me.
• And finally, in a stunning turn of events, Voldemort himself has a cameo! Be sure to watch for this, as it is brought to you courtesy of the fairest (for now) of them all--the evil queen.

Have you seen Snow White and The Huntsman? What did you think of it?

Ironskin | Waiting On Wednesday

"Waiting On" Wednesday is a weekly event hosted by Breaking the Spine, that spotlights upcoming releases that we're eagerly anticipating. Visit Breaking The Spine to see more entries!

This week, I am eagerly waiting on:

Ironskin by Tina Connolly (Ironskin #1)

Publisher: Tor Books

Genre: Paranormal Romance, Steampunk

Publication Date: 2 October, 2012

Goodreads  /  LibraryThing

Jane Eliot wears an iron mask.

It’s the only way to contain the fey curse that scars her cheek. The Great War is five years gone, but its scattered victims remain—the ironskin.

When a carefully worded listing appears for a governess to assist with a "delicate situation"—a child born during the Great War—Jane is certain the child is fey-cursed, and that she can help.

Teaching the unruly Dorie to suppress her curse is hard enough; she certainly didn’t expect to fall for the girl’s father, the enigmatic artist Edward Rochart. But her blossoming crush is stifled by her own scars, and by his parade of women. Ugly women, who enter his closed studio...and come out as beautiful as the fey.

Jane knows Rochart cannot love her, just as she knows that she must wear iron for the rest of her life. But what if neither of these things is true? Step by step Jane unlocks the secrets of her new life—and discover just how far she will go to become whole again

This story just sounds awesome! I was drawn to it from the get go (it's no secret that I love the fey), and then I read the last paragraph and realized that it's a retelling of Jane Eyre--and almost went crazy about it. Jane Eyre + fey + steampunk? I need this book now!! :)

What are you waiting on?

Soulless by Gail Carriger | Book Review

Soulless by Gail Carriger (Parasol Protectorate #1)
Publisher: Orbit
Format: ebook
Genres: Historical Fiction, Paranormal Romance, Steam Punk, Adult
Publication Date: 1 October, 2009

Alexia Tarabotti is laboring under a great many social tribulations. First, she has no soul. Second, she's a spinster whose father is both Italian and dead. Third, she was rudely attacked by a vampire, breaking all standards of social etiquette.
Where to go from there? From bad to worse apparently, for Alexia accidentally kills the vampire -- and then the appalling Lord Maccon (loud, messy, gorgeous, and werewolf) is sent by Queen Victoria to investigate.

With unexpected vampires appearing and expected vampires disappearing, everyone seems to believe Alexia responsible. Can she figure out what is actually happening to London's high society? Will her soulless ability to negate supernatural powers prove useful or just plain embarrassing? Finally, who is the real enemy, and do they have treacle tart?

SOULLESS is a comedy of manners set in Victorian London: full of werewolves, vampires, dirigibles, and tea-drinking.

There's something to be said about a character who can consistently correct and/or insult people in only the most socially polite of ways. There's even more to be said when this character is the heroine of our story. This is the case in Soulless, where our heroine is a sassy, outspoken female, whose strong temper is matched only by her great wit. Alexia Tarabotti could talk you into a corner before you had taken two steps into a room, and it wouldn't even rattle her teacup once, to do so. And that is precisely why she is a fantastic heroine.

Set in Victorian London, Soulless begins with a sort of Jane Austen-style of witty dialogue and social pressures. Add in machines, werewolves, vampires, other supernatural beings, and a decidedly more outspoken main character, and you have one of the most entertaining stories I have read this year. Add to all that, the ruggedly handsome and hot-tempered, Scottish alpha werewolf love interest, and this story is bound straight for my favorites shelf.

If there is one thing I didn't like about this story, it's that some of the events weren't very detailed. We only see things from Alexia's POV, so whatever she doesn't know, we don't know either. There were some parts to the story that I would have liked to have a better understanding of (the octopuses, vampire abilities, and just how differently the Queen's agenda and BUR's are). Due to Alexia's limited involvement/interaction, these things weren't explained. BUT...that's really not super important, especially compared to the rest of this fabulous story, and the fact that I don't think there was a character that I didn't like.

Gail Carriger did an amazing job meshing so many genres into one story. I really couldn't narrow it down to just one, or even two, because they are all so well put together. It all just feels right. In these pages lies romance, danger, humor, political intrigue, suspense, and a good helping of Victorian society to boot.
THIS is how you do a love story.
THIS is how you do a truly strong female heroine.
THIS is how you do Victorian-steam-punk-paranormal-romance.

Now I need the second book, STAT!

Personal Favorite
Temp. Guide

Read this if:
...you like werewolves, the paranormal, and stand-out heroines!

Content Warning
*This section may contain some spoilers about content!*
Highlight between the brackets to reveal the text.
{Violence (no more than is expected in a paranormal novel), nudity (a character is nude for an entire chapter, after having been locked up--werewolves are naked after transforming), steamy kissing scenes, and a married couple's sex scene that is brief, and not very detailed.}

Other Books in the Series:

Book 2: Changeless  /  Book 3: Blameless  /  Book 4: Hearless  /  Book 5: Timeless

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Purchase Soulless:

Amazon  /  Barnes & Noble  /  Book Depository

Gail Carriger:

Website  /  Twitter  /  Facebook  /  Blog