(Afraid Of) Commitment

In the last year, I have begun reading over 200 books. Of those 200+ books, I have actually finished only forty. FORTY! And the majority of those were read in the first three months of the year. The rest have been sporadic. I've been having some serious trouble finishing books lately (as evidenced by my clear lack of reviews). I've been trying to get myself to read more, and at least meet my startlingly low (for me) Goodreads challenge goal of 50 books read this year...but it doesn't look like I'll make it. I've been coming home from the library this entire year with 4-8 new books to try out each week. How many of those do I actually finish? Usually none. Seriously people, I am returning books to the library, unread!

I thought I was in a huge reading slump, but decided that wasn't the right thing to call it, since I definitely want to read, and have been at least attempting to read ton of books. It wasn't until tonight, that the realization struck me, that I am utterly and completely afraid of commitment to a story.

  • I'm afraid that I'll get into a story, only to realize that the main character is just like 100 other main characters I have read about.
  • I'm afraid that I'll get into a story, and be utterly disappointed in the end.
  • I'm afraid that I'll get into a book, only to find it full of cliches that I'll then have to suffer through.
  • I'm afraid that I won't like the second (or third, etc.) book as much as I loved the first.
  • And mostly: I'm afraid that I'll love a story so much, that the bar will be set even higher.

My reading preferences have changed drastically in the last year (and it was completely without my permission), and I find I have no idea how to handle the change. I'm less satisfied with simple, easy endings; less happy with typical male stereotypes; more annoyed with typical female stereotypes; less entertained by the wonders of YA. And, for the first time in my life, I have had less time for reading. This has given me a sense of urgency, which has translated into me not wanting to "waste" time on books I won't like. 

Hence, my fear of commitment.

Hopefully it will pass someday soon. Until then, I'll be over here in my corner of the world, steadily moving towards holding the world record for the most unfinished books, ever. 


  1. I feel ya. I'm much more likely to commence a book than complete it, and my eyes are far larger than my stomach, so to speak. It's much easier to buy a new book or bring home a stack from the library than it is to complete one.

    And then there's that period of melancholy after finishing a really great story, where the characters and plot are still vivid in my head, and I am hesitant to start a new one that either might not be as good or will require some time before I can immerse myself...yeah, I feel ya.

  2. I hear ya. I can't really read YA anymore. So what are you reading? :)

    1. Miss ya. Hope all is well with you and your little one. Let me know if you make a comeback.

  3. I thought I was the only one feeling that way. Two years ago I read 200+ books, this year *sniff* not much. I get a ton of books every week, but they always go back unread. I'm tired of the same old story lines/characters/love triangles that keep getting recycled. I used to be proud to say that I finished every book read. Oh, how that has changed. Sometimes I don't even read the first few chapters. I'll look at the book and my gut will say, "Nooooo, you won't like it, don't even try it." Then it's too late, I've psyched myself out. I thought this slump would last a month or two, but soon it's going to be a year.

  4. It might be time to try adult stuff. I switched from reading mostly YA to reading mostly adult. The genres are broader and there's just a lot more of it, and the stories are more complex, so I don't see as many tropes. I still enjoy a good YA - in fact I have Lauren DeStefano's new book sitting on my table right now. But I enjoy those all the more when they feel like a breath of fresh air.

  5. Aw that sucks! I have the opposite problem so I don’t really have any advice…maybe you could give me advice on how to quit a book I don’t like. I’m too loyal and suffer through books I hate! I would say since your tastes have changed, to read books you haven’t really read before. I like Gina’s comment about trying adult books and see if you like them. Good luck!

  6. Oh so sad! I hope you get it figured out soon. Maybe a new year will bring less pressure.

  7. Sad stuff! But I agree with other comments. Read adult for a bit and see what happens. :)

  8. I completely understand how you feel! Hopefully you find some novels soon that you really, really love! I don't know if you're looking for recommendations, but I have some, YA, NA, Horror, etc., that really caught my attention and that I lovingly gave 5 stars. If you want them, let me know!

    @abookvacation on twitter

    -A Book Vacation

  9. You said your book tastes have changed, but is there a specific genre you are wanting to read more or enjoying more? If so, go with it and don't try to force a genre that you aren't wanted to read and finish. Switching genres might make it easier for you to revisit and old favorite genre in the future. ;)

    Let us know if you have need some recommendations and I would love to hear how your reading is going. Good luck!

  10. Oh I know what you mean by being afraid of disappointments. I, for one, read almost 100 books a year before I started blogging but now I can not even make it to 50s. I'm trying to be a better reader this year though. I think you just need to find that one book that will rekindle and reignite your reading prowess again or you could try rereading all favorites. You can get through this! *hugs*


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